tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11642091544871544452024-03-08T11:30:23.780-08:00Thoughts By LamplightBarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-83535003382232647632012-04-26T20:14:00.000-07:002012-04-26T20:14:17.752-07:00Eulogy- Elaine Regina Musitano (1934-2011)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<i>Hopefully, the last eulogy I'll have to write and deliver for a long time. This one was for my aunt, who passed in October, 2011.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>_______________________________________ </i> </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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On behalf of our family, I want to thank you for coming this
evening to help us bid farewell to someone who meant so much to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
cruelness of Alzheimer’s is such that we actually <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lost her years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seemed slow at first, little blank spaces
in memory…in train of thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then all
of a sudden she wasn’t there at all; physically, more or less, but nothing of
her spirit… her passion for the people and things that she loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you read about the victims of
Alzheimer’s, it seems that it’s fate’s cruel joke in that it so often attacks
the richest of minds, the ones with so much to give.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the case with Elaine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s really kind heartbreaking to think of
all that was lost, all that could no longer be shared even though she was
physically still right in front of us.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now we’re here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Elaine is finally at peace and it’s time for us to try and find some of
our own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll try and forget the past
six years of this disease and all the lamentations of what had become of
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now we’ll just honor the life that
she lived and the person that she was.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I feel a particular responsibility because of how much she
meant to me personally. a I wish more people knew her the way only a very few
of us did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s accurate to say that she shares equal credit (or maybe
blame) for the development of me as a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m pretty much 1/3 Linda, 1/3 Bart and 1/3 Elaine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if you took away her influence, you’d
find someone standing before you that you really wouldn’t recognize at all.</div>
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<br /></div>
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In order to understand Elaine’s impact, it’s necessary to
introduce or re-introduce her and dad’s mother, Regina.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think it’s fair to say that my
grandmother put on “airs”, because she didn’t perceive it that way, but there
was definitely a sense of regalia about her that I rarely see in other people.</div>
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<br /></div>
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To me, she also never quite seemed to fit in with the modern
age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always got the impression she’d
somehow been time-warped out of an earlier century; perhaps whisked away from
her Renaissance Palace <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and somehow
dropped into 20<sup>th</sup> century Philadelphia. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though my
grandparents lived in pretty modest row home, stepping into their living room
was like stepping into a European parlor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A Renaissance chair,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a grand
piano, not a sofa, but a setee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
modern conveniences like televisions and stereos all hidden in the
basement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The living room was for
conversation, for afternoon tea in cups and saucers, and for reading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My grandmother was by no means wealthy, but
she was cultured and she was elegant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She loved art and poetry and she was one hell of a cook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was all passed on to Elaine.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From my grandfather, Joseph, Elaine got a love of classical
music and opera and also a love of reading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He read constantly and his shelves were filled with books on all
subjects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also had one of the largest
collections of opera records in the city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These were their positive influences on her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I don’t think I’m bragging or exaggerating when I say
that for my grandmother and my aunt, my birth in October, 1970…on my
grandfather’s 65<sup>th</sup> birthday…was probably the single greatest event
in human history.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since my grandmother
was beamed from the Renaissance, the two of them treated me like one of the
Medici Princes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a painting of
me, prominently displayed in the living room, painted by my aunt, as a baby
falling <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>through the sky, from Heaven,
with angels bidding me farewell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank
God there were some strategically placed clouds, covering my Princely “package”.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In those early years
they did everything short of chewing up my food <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Scented baths were drawn, a nighttime snack of ovaltine and Lorna Dunes,
complete with a formal table setting, and finally….these women were
intense….they actually perfumed my pillow before I layed my head down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were also constantly <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>concerned about the healthy state of my bodily
functions, ya know, the digestive system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At least once a day, I’d get the question, in a kind of hushed
whisper…”Did you have a b.m. yet?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
as a little kid, I knew I did NOT want to discuss this with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would be the 1/3 Linda reeling it’s head
right there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fortunately some of this
of catering to faded as I got older.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 1976 my aunt moved out of of my grandparents house and moved
to Center City, to the VIDA apartment house at 15<sup>th</sup> and Locust
Streets, the place that would become my single favorite place on Earth for the
rest of my childhood.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From about 10 years old I began to spend as much time as
possible with Elaine (or Zi-Zi) as Gianna and I called her, at her apartment. Gianna
came a few times, but she was a homebody, so it became all about me..as it
should be. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She doted on me and was eager
to share all her interests …and they were numerous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t already know this about her,
it’s important to understand that when she loved something, it was never just a
little bit…she had a passion for certain things and she had the need to share
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back, the vast majority of
the things I love were a result of her influence:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>movies, books, different types of food,
televison shows, art, music…so much of this is what she shared over the
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All I had to do was show the slightest curiosity in
something and the floodgates would open; she’d spend hours with me discussing
it, showing me examples, playing <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>records.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When movies like Empire Strikes Back, The Wrath of Khan and Blade Runner
hit the theaters, she went crazy over them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’d be on the phone every Saturday, long distance, breaking them down
scene by scene…the movies, the novels the soundtracks…all the while dad
tallying up the long distance charges in his head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Is it necessary to talk about movies and tv
for an hour,” he’d ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d visit her a few times a year, usually a week at
Christmas, a week in the summer and a shorter weekend when I could fit in
in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the 80’s Center City was filled
with great book and record stores and we’d hit them all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d also go to movies, sometimes the
theater, and frequently try new restaurants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Other times, she’d try out a new recipe at home; she loved cooking
Chinese and Indian food so her kitchen was filled with numerous cookbooks and
spices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d read the recipe out and
she’d follow step by step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She made a
special “event” out of everything, from going to the bakery for a loaf of bread
to watching a movie on the vcr.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my spare time around the apartment I
became familiar with every book on her shelf, every record she owned, every
piece of artwork she painted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think to
this day, I could probably set up her bookshelves exactly the way she had them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She provided such a complete cultural education for me as a
kid, just through her passion for things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She missed her calling, she should have been a teacher…art or music or
Humanities, because she could instill her love of things to others like nobody
I’ve ever seen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She exposed me to my first two operas, taking me to the MET
in New York to see Wagner’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lohengrin</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Die Walkure</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We studied each Libretto first and she made
sure I knew the stories completely beforehand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There were many more that we watched on videotape.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then, in July of 1983, she gave me the greatest gift of
all….The gift of David Bowie…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I really had no idea of who this guy was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew she liked him and I’d seen some of the
paintings on her wall but didn’t know anything about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the first weekend John was
visiting her with me, and as we were walking out her front door, he caught
sight of a Bowie painting she did, and he asked kinda bewildered, “Is THAT
David Bowie?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I answered “Yeah, apparently she likes him.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So it was July 83, and I was up there for the week and she
happened to mention that she and my grandmother had just been to a David Bowie
concert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I asked her, “Well what kind
of music does he play?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh yeah! That’s ALL I needed to ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could almost hear the internal sirens going
off in her head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Within minutes, the
records were spread out on the living room floor as she played a selection of
songs throughout his career, while I poured over the lyrics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also got pretty much the entire David Bowie
biography lectured to me over the next two hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was pretty much “Born Again”, by the end of
that night..<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember going home and
getting a cassette mix tape to John, telling him, “you REALLY need to listen to
this.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So now back to John for a bit, he is perhaps the only other
person that completely understands the impact that Elaine had on me, because
over the course of only a few weekend visits to her apartment, she had the same
effect on him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It all started with a trip to a science fiction convention
in November 1982.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had invited John
and me up for the weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were in 7<sup>th</sup>
grade and I remember we left after school on a Friday. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can only imagine our total excitement<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and arrogance in school that day as WE were
spending an exciting weekend in the city and nobody else was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think we<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>mentioned the Star Trek convention part.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lil drove us into the city and it was about 6:30 or so when
she turned onto Locust Street in front of the VIDA to drop us off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know neither of us will ever forget those
first few minutes…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was dark and a little cool, and there was a small group
of people on the corner, standing out in front of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dewey’s</i>, a small diner on the corner under the VIDA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as we got out of the car a burst of
steam came up out of the vent next to us, and it had this orange hue to it from
the street lamp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Visually, it was the
perfect start to an amazing weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In addition to the convention, John got a sample of who she
was, and her incredible power to expose you to new things….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>(John’s
letter)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her legacy has clearly lived on…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My aunt and my grandmother loved John, from the very first
time they met him and they both always remembered to ask about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He and Patrice were the first of my friends
to have kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember a party in
Brigantine once, Jessica was an infant and John was in the house taking care of
her, trying to get her to nap I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
remember my grandmother saying to Elaine, “Oh Lana, look what a wonderful
father John is.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To which she responded,
‘Yes, isn’t it darling?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was her
word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My aunt and my grandmother, the two of them together were a
trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I would stay for the week my
grandmother would come down to the apartment and spend time with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d take her on our rounds through Center
City.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The two of them walked so slowly,
constantly stopping to gaze longingly into store windows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It drove me crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially during the frigid winter wind chills,
when I just wanted to keep walking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d
turn around and find them a half a block behind me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’d get back to the apartment and my grandmother would say,
“Lana, it was so cold out there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think
Bart needs a glass of sherry to warm him up.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So there I was, a 12 year old Frazier Crane, sipping sherry and
listening to opera.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So this has been a sample of some of the defining moments of
my childhood, really up through high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Memories that are still so totally vivid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can never go into Center City without them
slamming into me, thinking back on all the miles of walking I did with her
downtown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arriving on those streets
EVERY TIME, brings that same feeling that John and I felt getting out of Lil’s
car almost 30 years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walk past the
VIDA or the LENOX (her second apartment building) and it feels like if I just
walk in, get on the elevator and take it upstairs, everything will be exactly
the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then, when I realize it
won’t be, well that royally sucks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These last six years have been horrible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much she should have seen, so much she
should have been a part of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me
angry that Nico and Alex never got to really know the person she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They never had the chance to experience one
of those visits, the things that she could have taught them. I do my best, but
it’s not the same, coming from a parent sometimes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She never got to see them on stage with their
band and that’s very sad</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She would have loved things like youtube and facebook, and I
could see her spending hours sharing videos and interacting with other people
that shared her interests. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every time a movie, album or book that I go crazy about
comes out, I think of her because I know it would have led to hours of
discussions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The remake of Star Trek was
bittersweet because as a big Trekie, she would have been totally wrapped up in
everything surrounding it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Harry
Potter series she would have been INSANE over. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had seen the first two movies, but by then
the disease had already started to affect her and she didn’t completely
understand it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember though that she
loved Professor Snape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat in the
theater seeing the final movie, maybe one of the most perfect movies ever, and
that opening scene, zooming in on Snape in all his <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vader-esque awesomeness, I remember dropping
the F-Bomb in my head, thinking “You should be here for this.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amy and I were with her last Thursday when she died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I arrived about 90 minutes before and the great
staff at Seashore Gardens had been caring for her all morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They knew she loved opera, so they had her
CD’s playing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat with her, listening
to the songs and arias I’d heard with her dozens of times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me, Jose, Placido and Luciano, the way she
would have wanted it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amy arrived about
ten minutes before it happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
chaplain came in, said a prayer and then turned her music back up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She died very peacefully to Pavarotti singing
Rondine al Nido, a Neopolitan song from the late Romantic era…her favorite
period of music. Odd to say, but as deaths go, for her, I’m not sure it could
have been any more perfect…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-27478425522190520092012-04-26T20:03:00.001-07:002012-04-26T20:03:14.373-07:00Eulogy- William High (1951-2006)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><i>Eulogy for Amy's father, William R. High, who passed away on October 25, 2006.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><i>_______________________________ </i> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16pt;">Good morning Father Mike,
Family and Friends…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We’re gathering together
today to wish Bill a very fond farewell…and this comes after almost a year of
absolute torture…both physically and emotionally… for him… for Margie, for Amy and
for all of us that loved him.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">2006 has been a very sad one
for this family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In early February,
Margie lost one of her sisters very suddenly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Within weeks of returning from Mary’s funeral in Ohio, Bill was diagnosed with cancer…not
just any cancer…Sarcoma…one of the rarest forms of cancer. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">This has also been a year of
anger for us… We’ve been angry at modern medicine for its incompetence, false
hopes and callousness;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we’ve been angry
at ourselves, thinking that if we’d done things differently, the end result
might have changed…we know this is foolish…but this is what humans do.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">And there have been times,
we’ve probably been angry at God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
have been more than a few un-answered prayers…or at least they weren’t answered
in the way we were hoping. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Christians we’re taught that God has a plan
for everything, and that things happen for a reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you experience grief and pain to this
extent, that is a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very</i> hard pill to
swallow.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Yet as Christians we continue
to believe these things….because to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>
believe,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>would make this unbearable.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bill’s pain, sadness and anger are now over
and our faith tells us that he’s now completely content. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After nine months of nothing but the horrors
of cancer; of not even being able to recall what life was like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">before</i> it, the family gathered almost
immediately after his passing and in our minds, he was restored to the robust, extroverted,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>funny and absolutely affectionately disrespectful
guy that we all gravitated to whenever he was around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the Bill…or for his casino friends,
the “Billy High”, or for Nico and Alex, the “Pap” that we’ll never forget.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Believe me, this family has
been and will continue to properly toast and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">roast</i> Bill in the gatherings to come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those of you who want to know some <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> good stories will want to sit
down with John Ferrelli and Kerry Monahan after Mass today. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For now though, let me give you a brief little
bio of the best father-in-law one could possibly ask for.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Bill was born,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>raised and lived some of his adult life in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">almost heaven</i> West Virginia. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This of course gave his Hilton and Bally’s
friends an endless supply of “inbred” “redneck” West Virginia jokes to torment him with over
the years.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">As a young kid, Bill tried
for a while to walk “the straight and narrow”, even testing out the waters with
the local Boy Scouts, rising through the ranks as the head Bugler for his
troop.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">All of us know that Bill
would go to great lengths to get a good laugh out of people and had absolutely
no problem throwing himself under the bus to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That after all, is the key to a great sense
of humor. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So there he was…little Billy
High….Boy Scout…a position of honor in his troop… and during morning
‘revelry”,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>he starts blowing some
ridiculous tune through his bugle.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">As you can imagine, this did
not go over well with the Troop leader.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bill told me he was “branded” as a result of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I always thought branding was a hot iron
to your ‘bum”, but in this case it was a full blown ceremony, where he was
stripped of his bugler’s badge…literally ripped it off his shirt… with all the
other scouts looking on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I was scarred
for life”, he said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He tried to stick with scouts
a while longer, but I think his “branding” took the fire out of it for
him…pardon the pun.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">So then he turned…to a life
of crime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">One would think with a name
like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Musitano</i>, I should have some
good “connections”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But actually my only
link to organized crime was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Billy
High….second in command of the Marland Heights Mafia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Marland
Heights was the mountain that Bill
grew up on in Weirton, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">almost heaven</i> West
Virginia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know you Ohio Valley folks will argue that it isn’t a
mountain, but when you grow up in Brigantine, anything higher than a sand dune is
a mountain.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">So the Marland Heights Mafia
was a group of young teenage <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>ruffians… kinda
like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rumble Fish</i> or the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Outsiders</i> and it was during one of their
major operations….trying to break into a locked bathroom at a school dance…that
Bill would meet his future wife….Margaret Ghenne.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Margie was from nearby Toronto, Ohio….just
outside <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">almost heaven</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll just call it Purgatory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Margie comes from a big family, she has about
206 sisters and one brother, Saint Bub.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Grandma Pat was clearly an exceptional Catholic. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Margie and her friend<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>were at this same school dance when they
wandered onto the crime scene.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bill
looked up to Margie, from the lock he was picking , and his first words to her
were...”Hey baby, you got a bobby pin?” </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">With a pick-up line like
that, it must have been love at first sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They began dating and were married after high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amy arrived shortly thereafter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Though Bill and Margie only
had one child, Margie’s sisters Karen and Lisa are only a few years older than
Amy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they were little, they
preferred to spend every available minute around Margie, Bill and Amy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amy got stand-in older sisters, and Karen and
Lisa got to idolize Bill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Sister, Betty announced that
she would be moving in with Margie and Bill immediately after graduating high
school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once again, Bill and Margie’s
was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the</i> place to hang.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Word got back to Bill and
Margie that Betty was starting to date a notorious figure in town,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>John Ferelli.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The first time she brought him home, I’m told they were wearing matching
Fedoras.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>John Ferrelli was trouble and
Bill knew it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“I don’t want you hanging
around that Ferrelli,” he told Betty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One night Bill, Margie and Saint Bub left Betty to baby sit Amy, while
they went down to a club called Littleton’s where Ferrelli tended bar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The plan was to confront him, to tell him to
stay away from Betty,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>some familial
intervention nonsense like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well
the three of them arrived home <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">well </i>into
the next morning, and Bill announced to a very worried and angry Betty, “That
Ferrelli is alright!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>John must have
been a very good bartender.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The two of
them started a very dangerous and wild brotherhood.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">When Bill, Margie and Amy
moved to New Jersey
they met Sue and Kerry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For years they
were inseparable;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>dinners, vacations,
margaritas and Jimmy Buffet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had a
million good times together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Bill
got sick Sue and Kerry were there right away;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>representing the best of what real friendship is all about.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Now let’s talk about
Amy…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amy has always had a very close
relationship with her father and he was proud of everything she has done. Why
shouldn’t he be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have virtually the
same personality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s got his very
twisted wit and his temperament.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
not always a good thing, because it can be earth-shattering explosive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amy knows how to freak out, as many of you have
witnessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she does, I’m the one running
around shutting the windows so the neighbors don’t hear her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, you’re only “dysfunctional” if
someone hears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, just like Bill,
after the Tsunami of temper, the waters recede and five minutes later, there’s
no grudge held.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">When Amy was little, Bill <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">did</i> have to make due with not having a
son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So he <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>forced Amy to do some of those father/son
things…..like watch every John Wayne western that was ever made….over and over
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">When Amy and I got together,
about 75 years ago, I was immediately welcomed into the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bill and Margie turned out to be most
excellent in-laws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve heard the horror
stories;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve witnessed a few of them,
but with them, never experienced one personally…and we’ve spent a lot of time
together.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">When Nico and Alex were born,
they became Bill and Margie’s whole world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Until he got sick, I don’t think Bill ever missed a soccer or baseball
game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’d frequently show up,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>straight from work, definitely the best
dressed guy at the little league field.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Holidays, vacations, Sunday
dinners….Nico and Alex have always had it good;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>both sets of grandparents always around;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>all still young and energetic, and everyone genuinely enjoyed being
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">One of those grandparents has
now been taken away, far too early,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and
it’s now up to the rest of us to make sure Pap’s memory is always fresh in
their minds.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Even in his last days of
life, Bill always found the strength to be upbeat when the kids walked into his
room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the end, he knew every day he
fought was another day he’d hear the familiar words, “Hey Pap”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">If you’ve been around these
past months you’ve really watched Amy and Margie suffer through Bill’s illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rest of us felt the grief and did
whatever we could, but it was in them that this knife kept twisting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pure hell for them. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I think all of us are in awe
at how they dealt with all this; the strength they found.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Margie has shown us what the marriage vows
are really all about, and Amy, you can take comfort in knowing that in the end,
as always before, you were <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everything </i>your
dad ever needed you to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">There are some other people this
family can never thank enough…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Father Mike, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we thank you so much for putting Bill on the
“fast track” to Catholicism… </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Although Bill was raised Protestant,
he married in the Church, and his daughter was raised Catholic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Assumption is where Amy and I got married,
and both of his grandchildren have had their sacraments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the only Church he ever felt attached
to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In June, Bill converted to Catholicism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s wanted to do it for years, for the kids,
because it always bugged them that Pap wasn’t Catholic like the rest of
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he got sick, he made the
decision to do it.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Father Mike came to the house
and we had a very nice ceremony with the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bill received all the sacraments that he
missed as a Protestant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Father Mike was
on a roll; I didn’t think he would stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I thought we were going to have Monsignor Bill before it was all
over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The good news is Bill wasn’t
immediately ex-communicated when he confessed his love for the Steelers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">For Bill’s friends at Bally’s
and Hilton, who put together the benefit at Diorios in June…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The family was overwhelmed by the generosity
you showed us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to tell you, Billy
High was left speechless….and you know that didn’t happen often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">For other friends that have
been so supportive to us, some everyday, we are very lucky to have you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">And finally, even though
she’s part of the family, I have to give a huge thank you to our very own “Rosario”….Karen,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you were such a huge help to us this whole
summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were with Margie caring for
Bill all day and night, and you gave Amy just enough spare time so that she
could also be a semi-normal mother to the kids while they were home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re the best!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">So now it’s time for us to
move on and we have a difficult series of “Firsts” to get through without Bill:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first Steelers game, the first Christmas,
his first birthday, the first vacation, the first Absolut Martini straight up
with a twist and the first Chester’s Cake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We will get through them
together and we’ll know he’ll be right there with us…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with that characteristic smirk of his and
that little devil laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And he’ll be wanting
to hear our laughter….even if its at his expense.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">We Catholics all have this
great visual about death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The famous
image of St. Peter waiting at the gates of Heaven for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The décor for each of us is different of
course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Wednesday afternoon, the
pearly gates for Bill were landscaped with palm trees and the angels
flying<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>about were wearing sunglasses
just like his, with the little band to hang around their necks.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">St. Peter put his arm around
Bill’s shoulder to welcome him; probably told him everyone had been waiting for
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He commended him on fighting the
good fight, being brave and dignified through all he’d just faced. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as he ushered him in, he gestured to a
familiar sound just up ahead…the sound of blender and ice crushing…After all, It’s
always Happy Hour somewhere.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Thank You.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-76773873569698998292012-04-25T16:43:00.000-07:002012-04-25T16:43:03.728-07:00Lil's Eulogy...<style>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><i>I dug up this eulogy I wrote and delivered for my grandmother, Lillian Strazzeri, back in September, 2005. I figured "Thoughts By Lamplight" was a good place to post this for posterity. Most of my old friends have at least one great Lil story that's left with them, so they might appreciate this tribute, which is damned good, if I do say so myself...</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><i>______________________________________ </i> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Good
morning Father Mike, members of the Assumption parish, family and friends. We
gather today to say goodbye….or at least a temporary farewell to someone who
had such an impact on us all…a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister,
aunt, cousin…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mother-in law</i>…that’s who
she was to some of us. But all of us here today can boast of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a few memorable moments with Lil.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Mom-mom Lil was a great…and often very difficult
lady.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was loving, caring,
interfering, generous, moody, and very funny…usually all at the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we talk about only one side, we’re
not really doing her justice, are we?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’re here to give Lil the proper send-off that she deserves, but it’s also
our duty to prepare those who’ve gone before,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>just who it is that’s moving in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, isn’t that what we’ve always done…prepare those
who haven’t yet met her, just what to expect.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I
have lots of great memories with Lil from very early on. Because my parents are
oh so sociable, Gianna and I had many sleepovers with the grandparents…alternating
between Chippendale and Adams avenues…great memories on both sides, too many to
even count.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">With
Lil there were little rituals….milkshakes and popcorn after dinner, a visit
with Uncle Tony on his way home from work, and then the night-time tv line-up;
Lawrence Welk, Sandford & Son, Chico and the Man… Little House on the
Prairie was another must watch because she needed her “weekly cry”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">It
was actually Lil who gave me my first driving lessons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Starting at about age four she let me
drive the Chevy Chevelle into the Factory Street garage, from my perch on her
lap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remembering these valuable
early learning experiences as an adult, I’ve had Alex drive Nico to the bus
stop in the mornings. Yep, Lil and I loved hanging out in the early years….she
even sewed us matching outfits.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">When
we moved to Brigantine, it was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dad</i>
who suggested that Lil should live with us full time…24 hours a day…seven days
a week. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">She
was actually a huge help in those days because she did all of the grocery
shopping and much of the cooking during the busy workweek.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She would spend all day Sunday, with
her coupons spread out on the table, developing a very elaborate filing
system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If she had a coupon for
it, she bought it….whether we needed it or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One day I counted 52 bars of soap in the closet….18 cans of
plums (who even needs <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one</i> can of
plums)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got to try <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">every</i> new food product, because there
would always be a coupon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such a
pity if you fell in love with it on sale and it went back to full price…because
you’d <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> see it again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Grocery
shopping was a huge production…so much so that Lil used to pull Gianna out of
school so she could go to Shop Rite with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is this seventh grader being called to the office by
Sister , over the loud speaker, “GIANNA MUSITANO, PLEASE REPORT TO THE OFFICE,
YOUR GRANDMOTHER NEEDS HELP WITH THE PACKAGES,” sometimes twice in a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On days she shopped alone, Lil would
pull into the driveway and blow the horn….just lean on it, until you came out
to empty the trunk. Other times she’d stand at the window and yell “Yooo hoooo,
yoooo hooo…I’ve got packages”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was so irritating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our
rebellious youth, sometimes we would leave her sit out there honking away for
ten minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then we’d end up
feeling bad because when we did finally go out she told us she’d stopped at
Burger King to buy us lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Actually, it would be nice to hear that annoying “Yooo hoooo” just one
more time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As
all of you know, food was a very important to mom-mom Lil…Almost every one of
you sitting here has been force-fed by her at least a couple times. You were
probably completely stuffed, but just to get her to be quiet, you took another
plateful….we’ve all done it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
would bring us home the left-overs from the Senior Citizen Center lunches….and
my God, if you could have seen some of the packaging she brought it home
in….the one that I’ll never forget is the turkey and stuffing, one
afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Bart….are you hungry?
I got turkey and stuffing….deeeelicious.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She held up a plastic glove…the kind that food servers use…and it was
full of stuffing…down into the fingers….it was absolutely horrifying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I drew the line there….NO WAY!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">In
those days Lil was still quite the traveler and she could be gone for weeks at
a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s been all over
America, Europe, the Caribbean and as far away as Australia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the early days she was also a bit of
a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>party girl, and although she
chose to deny her vices in later years, we have the pictures to prove she loved
to share plenty of drinks and even cigarettes with her friends or her 2.2
million cousins scattered throughout the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Family
was incredibly important to her, not only the immediate family, but a huge
extended group of Strazzeris, Venturas, Barbieris, and Marinos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t matter how distant or how far
removed the cousins were, as long as there was one shared blood cell
….somewhere…they were tight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
loved being surrounded by family, she enjoyed the family events with Uncle Tony<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aunt Ellen, Anthony and Barbara,
Barbara and Bob.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She loved it when
grandsons Rich and Phil came over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She especially liked when Rich showed up in his police uniform.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lil liked a man in uniform…and as fast
as she drove…it came in handy to have a cop in the family. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">It’s
fair to say that Lil had a dominant personality and craved attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I said earlier, she could be
difficult and very interfering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
is a true testament to a very loving family that all of us remained physically
and mentally intact for as long as we have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of you here have either been a part of or have heard the
hundreds of classic<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lil
“encounters”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As mad as we all got
at various times, we were usually able to laugh at most of it, not long after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The interference in my parent’s
marriage started almost immediately….at 7am<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the morning after their wedding, there was Lil calling on
the phone, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Dad held his tongue…probably the last time he did.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Oh,
the Dad/Lil battles were legendary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She knew how to play him; she was like a chess master, plotting her
moves far in advance…she’d taunt and taunt until he exploded in anger and the
screaming began.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As she stormed
off to bed cursing in Italian, you could almost see the glint of victory in her
eyes…and dad was left kicking himself for letting her get to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure he’s got guilt feelings now
for fighting with her…but deep down, he knows she LOVED the fights.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">She
also loved to be the center of attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everything about her…her loud voice, her loud clothes, her bright red
lips and cheeks….even her size…exhibited her larger than life personality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look, even in her final resting place,
Lil’s outfit is loaded with “bling”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Sometimes
being the center of attention came at highly inappropriate times and sometimes
mom mom Lil just did not think before she spoke. I will never forget at the funeral
of Janice’s mother, Mary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lil came
up to her grieving father and very loudly said, “How ya doin’ Pete?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through tears, Pete said, “Oh not good,
Lil”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lil replied, “I know Pete,
but we all gotta go sometime.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of
course, she didn’t mean anything by it, but the rest of us wanted to crawl in a
hole and hide.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">That
particular exchange, while embarrassing for us, did give us a hint as to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>how Lil viewed her own mortality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She knew her life had been very well
lived; she’s seen and done things most women of her generation wouldn’t have
dreamed of, she raised two loving daughters,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>she watched all four of her grandchildren marry, and lived
for the birth of eight great-grandchildren. She knew she’d done right by her
family…that we’d all be ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mom-mom didn’t strike most people as greatly religious, but she prayed
every night, and she knew just where she was going when she was ready…and when
God was ready for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the
past few months it was clear to us all… she was ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Saturday afternoon, with her two
daughters and grand-daughter at her side, mom-mom Lil, the life-long
traveler..began her most exciting journey yet…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And
the rest of us have the memories and the stories…more than enough to hold us
until we see her again.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Thank
you.</span></div>Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-7931975264846889022008-10-30T20:04:00.000-07:002008-10-30T21:23:05.208-07:00Everyone Back In PlaceWe've finally found Web Keogh.<br /><br />It seems that Mike and Jen may be bickering a bit on who <em>actually</em> found him, but I think it's fair to say that a lot of us can take some credit in the quest; many have been searching.<br /><br />It also seems fitting that I mark the occasion with a personal note about how much this has all meant to me over the past couple of months that I've been on facebook.<br /><br />Throughout grade school and high school I made some of the best friends that anyone could ask for. For about eight years, at various points, these people meant everything to me. We were part of eachother's lives on a daily basis and went through all the wonderful drama and melodrama that kids that age are supposed to go through.<br /><br />As a parent of a son going in to middle school, I'm starting to re-live it some of that through his eyes, and I haven't been able to stress enough to him how he should savor every moment of the years to come. I want my children to have wonderful experiences, shared with friends they love, just as I did.<br /><br />A few of those friends I stayed very close with these past twenty years; one of them I even married. John and Maria I've never stopped seeing on a regular basis. Others, like Mike and Steve Johnson, who've been separated by long distances, have drifted in and out through visits, lunches or emails over the years. What I always found notable was that no matter the time that had passed, within five minutes of getting together, it was clear the years really hadn't taken there toll at all.<br /><br />But friends like Jayne and Andrea...the first friends I ever made at St. Philip's and through highschool may be the only people I never had so much as a disagreement with; Jen Gorman who I got very close to at Spirit and who along with Jenny Smith were the only people I knew who understood what a pain in the ass it could be to have your father teaching in the same school you attend. I regret how we let these friendships completely lapse to the point where we didn't even have a clue about eachother's lives. There's really not a rational reason that this would happen, it merely <em>did</em>.<br /><br />I feel we've really been given a second chance now. Twenty years later, we have shaped what has become of our lives and now we have found our way on to facebook and we've seem to have fallen back into place with incredible ease...it is the ease of true friends who know how to be comfortable with one another. All of us seem to carry some of the same regrets and all of us want to see how we can move forward.<br /><br />We're joined on facebook by a whole group of classmates; some of them were also friends, some were merely acquaintences and some we knew little about other than they were a familiar face in a class or a nearby locker. On facebook though, we're adding eachother as friends simply because we recognize the names and because after 20 years, lines around the eyes, a few extra pounds and some lost hairs, we find ourselves truly nostalgic. This is all good.<br /><br />With few exceptions, at least for me, everyone is back in place. In additon to those I mentioned above, I'm now talking to: Mick, Tommy (who used to be just Tom),Scott, the Steves (Berenato and Monell), Karen, Julie, Michelle, Eric, Tom, Jen M, Brian, Tom, Stacy and Christina. Shit, I hope I didn't leave anyone out. I'm having a blast on a daily basis, re-living old memories and catching up on eachother's lives.<br /><br />My little core group of close friends has been very lucky; though 20 years have passed, we're all still here and it appears healthy. We've all found eachother again <em>before</em> it was too late. Now it's time to move forward.....Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-71486705370238787412008-09-27T05:48:00.000-07:002008-09-27T05:51:23.452-07:00Last Night's DebateThere should be no doubt left in anyone's mind who needs to be the next President of the United States.<br /><br /> Obama was able to take McCain's supposed strength and turn it back on him. The laundry list of the many ways McCain was wrong on Iraq was a great moment. McCain fell back on the same tired soundbites and stories he's been using for over a year in every town hall meeting. I found myself speaking along with him Obama's "I've got a bracelet too" was a home run, as was using McCain's "Bomb Iran" song against him.<br /><br /> While always showing class, Obama came back at nearly every McCain argument. We can argue whether Obama came at him hard enough. Certainly there were a few missed opportunities; he probably should have nailed him on the GI Bill vote; should have come at him harder on the economy and in my opinion should have taken off McCain's head the tenth time he was told, <em>"he doesn't understand...it shows naivety."</em> McCain has no right to comment on anyone's grasp of the complex issues when he did pick Miss.Congeniality to be his running mate. Obama was too polite to point that out.<br /><br />But let's get to the most important matter. Is John McCain the man we want to lead our diplomacy going in to the future? This man has such disdain for anyone that disagrees with him. He wouldn't even show a political opponent the courtesy of looking at him. You could see the clenching and tensing of his face while Obama was speaking. His hatred for Obama was written all over his face, as was his hatred for Romney in the primaries. The stories about McCain's demeanor and temper are well documented. He is not the person I want as my head statesman. If his hero was Ronald Reagan, then he's rejected one of Reagan's greatest attributes as a leader and diplomat, the ability to disagree and still maintain warmth and civility to your opponent.<br /><br />Is this the man we're going to trust to try and avoid another war, when with two already, and an army stretched to the limit, there's only one way remaining to build up our troop strength?<br /><br />Nico's Happy Birthday card from Uncle Sam is only six years away.<br /><br />Americans and the media will argue who won this debate on points. Bottom line is though Obama cleared every hurdle presented to him. He knows the issues, and he can present his answers in a thoughtful manner (a refreshing change.) He should have proved to all last night that he will be strong enough to lead through a crisis and he will not hesitate to use military might when absolutely necessary. He achieved what Kennedy achieved in the 1960 debate, and what Reagan achieved in the 1980 debate.....He was <em>Presidential</em>Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-61298321438922084132008-08-17T18:03:00.000-07:002008-08-17T18:36:17.909-07:00Cape Cod- Day OneDay One of our spur of the moment trip to Cape Cod has been quite the success, it seems. Well not for my parents who are STILL driving through Rhode Island trying to get here.<br /><br />It's just after 9pm on Sunday and everyone feels that they've been up for two days already. Not me of course; sleep is for the weak minded. The four am wake-up call from the tv alarm brought me the start of Saturday's Nascar Nationwide race on its third replay on ESPN. What else do rednecks have to do at 4 in the morning, just before they feed the dogs living under their porches?<br /><br />We got a great start, on the Parkway by 5am and we made it to the Cape by 10:53. The kids were excellent in the car, thank Christ. They slept, watched a couple episodes of Star Trek Voyager (GEEKS) and we only made two pit stops, plus a pee break on the side of the road for Alex. (He wanted to use the empty chinese soup container we brought for such an emergency, but I advised against it. NO PISSING IN VLAD THE IMPALA!<br /><br />So after arriving in Falmouth and checking in to the Red Horse Inn (hotel 1) we went to a place called "The Flying Bridge" for lunch. We ended up spending way too much for lunch, thanks to three orders of Fish and Chips. Lunch was nearly $90 and now I'm going to eat Ritz crackers the rest of the week.<br /><br />After lunch we drove to Hyannis and took an hour long scenic cruise around Hyannis Harbor and Nantucket Sound. Got a fairly good look at the Kennedy compound from the harbor and also Senator Ted Kennedy's sailboat anchored along with a bunch of others. The houses on the harbor were just gorgeous. What the fuck do these people do for a living? I bet $90 fish and chips wouldn't stress them out. I got some good pictures, which I'll post when I get back home. After the boat we hit a pizza place for dinner (where I ordered only a side salad to repent for my earlier culinary sins).<br /><br />Tomorrow we're whaling.....I mean whale watching!!Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-79376561221151266972008-05-05T18:29:00.000-07:002008-05-05T18:56:48.853-07:00CommunionAlex made his First Holy Communion yesterday; he finally gets to take the "chip" with the rest of us every Sunday...or however frequently we get to church. Funny thing about me and religion or spirituality or whatever you want to call it; I go through phases where I want to be very religious and then others where I don't think about it much at all. I guess it has been directly linked to key moments in life, surrounding births and deaths. <br /><br />I love all the history and ceremony and beauty of the rituals (why I could never be anything other than Catholic), yet I just don't do well with blind faith. Faith leads to an awful lot of questions that I just don't get answers to....only more instruction to keep having faith. I think I'm growing weary of faith and now I'd like some actual proof. Why can't the Blessed Mother appear to me in the woods outside my office window? How about the Stigmata? I'll take that as proof! Wait, that would probably hurt like hell, never mind that.<br /><br />How about just a ghost!!! If I saw a real ghost, then I'd have the proof I need that humans do indeed have an eternal spirit. If we have a spirit, then there's a good chance there is something more after we die. That would go a long way toward answering some questions. At least I'd be more certain that it wasn't just "lights out" when the heart stops.<br /><br />But if it is "lights out", I guess it won't mean much to me now, will it?<br /><br />Well anyway, Alex's Communion was a lovely little service and the boy looked great in his suit. Definitely the best looking boy out of the bunch.<br /><br />The party after was great after, spending time with family and friends. The biggest highlight of the whole day was the surprise turnout from Rocky, Lisa and the kids...all the way from California. It's a sad thing that brought them back home, the illness of his dad, but I hope the few hours they spent with us brought a bit of cheer to their week. Love and miss you guys so much.Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-21658502415370588012008-05-02T21:17:00.001-07:002008-05-02T21:17:36.451-07:00THE EMPIRE STRIKES BARACK<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'><p><object height='350' width='425'><param value='http://youtube.com/v/a8lvc-azCXY' name='movie'/><embed height='350' width='425' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' src='http://youtube.com/v/a8lvc-azCXY'/></object></p><p>Brilliant work...</p></div>Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-69000789978554096332008-04-29T21:00:00.001-07:002008-04-29T21:00:48.136-07:00Love and Rockets<div xmlns='http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml'><p><object height='350' width='425'><param value='http://youtube.com/v/XPjh7qc1UZ4' name='movie'/><embed height='350' width='425' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' src='http://youtube.com/v/XPjh7qc1UZ4'/></object></p><p>Some good music news for me this month. One of my favorite bands, Love and Rockets have reformed for the Coachella Festival. This is a band my friend John turned me on to about 12 years ago and I instantly fell in love with. Only saw them live once, but hoping that can change now. This is also the first band that my son, Nico went crazy over. At two years old he had his "little tikes" drum out, pounding his heart out to this song. <br /><br />Welcome back, Kevin, David and Daniel.</p></div>Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1164209154487154445.post-15940996634110916202008-04-26T18:53:00.000-07:002008-04-26T19:13:25.085-07:00Welcome<em>Please wipe your feet...</em><br /><em></em><br />Having spent so much time online reading other people's thoughts and thinking, <em>I wish I'd said that,</em> I've decided to start my own little soapbox here and speak my mind about whatever is on my mind. I'll likely come to find that there's not much on it at all. In a few week's time if I come back here and find no new posts, it'll be as Bowie once wrote, "<em>for all my years of reading conversation, I stand without a word to say."</em><br /><em></em><br />But for now, I'm being optimistic. <em>Thoughts By Lamplight </em>is a place to share. Named so because I imagine many of my words might come late at night. I like the image of a single lit room in an old brownstone on a rain-soaked city street....preferably London, England. Unfortunately, reality isn't so interesting. It's a modern house on a southern New Jersey street where damn near NOBODY speaks English. At least the single lit room is still in the scenario.<br /><br />Now we'll see if anything comes to mind...Barthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12247631345532711782noreply@blogger.com0